light

it isn't everyday you spend creating, dancing, writing, painting. unless you are paid to do so or have the time and space to do those things in. i suppose that is why i felt so shocked and surprised that i was being encouraged and given the time and space to create. once i had someone say to me - go ahead, write. i felt all at once liberated and frightened. what if what i had to say wasn't funny or smart sounding, interesting. i did know that once i put pen to paper my words came spewing out. i couldn't stop them, they flowed and flew and grabbed the paper. it was a release, an exhale. it was all at once frightening and reassuring. i have the power within me to let go and i have the power within me to hold on. it is about finding a balance and recognizing the need you have to create and express yourself. i had not done those things for myself in a long, long time. almost like a genie in a bottle.

during our memoir class yesterday Andee asked us to break-up into groups of 3 and bounce our ideas off one another for a possible memoir. i worked with 2 fantastic gentlemen who were supportive, kind, open and generous. we listened to one anothers ideas. we shared in awkward silences and laughter and we gave each person the space to share their voice and their story along with it. it is a scary thing to put yourself inside-out for others to see. especially, strangers. but i placed my trust in these class members and i received what i needed.

we were then set off on our own to write. i found a quiet bench near the library, took my pen and pad out and tried to write. thoughts flooded. some complete sentences, other words, phrases, memories. pages were filled with scribbles and pain and laughter and fear. but after 90 minutes of scratching and clawing for a beginning - i wrote.

again we were asked to get back into our groups of 3 and read and respond. i felt a little crazy reading what i wrote and felt vulnerable and open. again, the group members gave me just what i needed: encouragement, thoughtful question and belief in myself. i am proud of my work and proud of the group members for their open hearts.